life is not a love song that we like

[skepticgirl_1]

The end of the school year was approaching and with it, finals. I had been elbow deep in books all hours of the day and night, finishing up last minute projects and trying to cram for what, ultimately, didn't matter at all. This wasn't my real school. This wasn't a real diploma. But if I wanted to make it in Darrow, I supposed that I had to follow Darrow's rules.

All that being said, I was in desperate need of a break. So I texted Steve that he should come over "immediately" and sprawled myself over my bed to wait. I probably looked a complete and utter mess with my hair in a sloppy bun, dressed in baggy sweats, but I figured it was Steve. If anything, seeing me at my worst might help -- by which I meant hinder -- his crush.

My heart clenched painfully in my chest at the thought. I felt so bad about not being able to return Steve's feelings. Not right now, anyway. It wasn't fair to ask him to wait indefinitely though, so I had to do my best to be his friend and not anything more.

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[skepticgirl_1]

"Oh, please," I scoffed. "This is what friends do. They make a big deal out of things you want to keep small because they are a big deal. So this was just random making out? Did you like it? Did you like him?"

[prettydamngood]

There is literally no-one in Darrow that Steve would less rather discuss this with than Lois. But they're best friends and, he supposes, that means that this is the kind of shit they talk about. He sighs elaborately.

"Yes random. Yes I liked it. Yes, I like him, but I'm not sure that it's capital 'l' like."

[skepticgirl_1]

"Hmm," I noised thoughtfully. It was an important distinction, like and Like. Especially if Steve was trying to... well, get over me.

That felt awkward. I pushed the thought from my head and focused on being on the nosy best friend.

"How well do you know him? I mean, did you know him before kissing him?"

[prettydamngood]

"Yeah, we played basketball," says Steve, aware of the way he's sitting, his knees still spread with Lois between them, even has he's being given the third degree. "He's an okay guy. We're friendly, I guess."

[skepticgirl_1]

"Do you think he likes you?" I asked. I, personally, couldn't really understand making out with someone that I wasn't already crushing on, but I knew people did it. I just didn't get it.

"Like, not like-likes you but maybe is interested in a little more?"

[prettydamngood]

"What, as a person? Sure," says Steve and he does grin at her, tilting his head. "I don't know. We were a little drunk. We were dancing. I think it was just in the moment, Lane."

[skepticgirl_1]

"No, as a hair gel advertisement," I shot back sarcastically.

"I guess I've just... never done anything like that. So you just make out with people who only kinda like?" I wasn't trying to be judgmental or anything. I was honestly curious.

[prettydamngood]

"I mean, I do have great hair," says Steve, putting his hands back on Lois' shoulders and gently nudging her back into position so that he can rub her shoulders. "Sometimes, yeah. More than make out, sometimes."

[skepticgirl_1]

"Oh." I moved back into position, but I was sure my shoulders were a little stiff, despite Steve's work. Somehow I had just assumed he was a virgin like me.

"Like, how often sometimes?" Again, no judgment I was just surprised. Stupidly.

[prettydamngood]

He feels her go stiff and his hands stop again.

"How many girls or how many times? That's two different questions, Lane."

[skepticgirl_1]

I blinked. Why was this so weird to me? It was weird, but I was also simply burning with curiosity.

"...Both?"

[prettydamngood]

"Three girls," says Steve, "If we're talking all the way. Handful more for other stuff that counts. And I don't keep track of individual times."

[skepticgirl_1]

I shifted on the couch, pulling my legs up to sit cross-legged. I felt shy, but Steve was answering my questions so I decided to push it further.

"What's it like? I mean, the first time, I guess."

[prettydamngood]

He slides down to sit next to her.

"Probably not as good as you think it's going to be. Sweaty and weird and a bit embarrassing and over too quick. It gets better fast though."

[skepticgirl_1]

I gave him a tiny, wry smile. "I wasn't thinking about it at all, good or bad." That was the truth. Right now, all I really wanted to do was make out. With SmallvilleGuy. Hold his hand. Did that...

"Does that make me weird? That I haven't thought about it?"

[prettydamngood]

Steve shakes his head, watching her for a moment.

"I don't think there's any set way you're supposed to feel about it, Lois."

[skepticgirl_1]

"I just feel like..." Like I had this great guy in Steve, but I was too hung up on someone I had never really met, never touched or really kissed. Wasn't being... physical part of how I was supposed to feel?

"I don't know. I don't know how I feel." I sighed gently and gave him a rueful look. "Sorry. Forget I said anything."